Pieces of Mimi

Audio: Share a song with powerful lyrics.

I'm OK

Christina Aguilera

1 comment

The songs I love, and that speak to me the most are I'm OK, by Christina Aguilera, and Superwoman, by Alicia Keys

I'm OK is such a sad but beautiful song, and I have my own personal reasons for identifying with it; I'm sure they'll be obvious to those who know the song.

It's dark, admittedly, but that's part of what makes it so powerful. It's not shameful, not shaming; it's just raw pain and sadness that ultimately reveals the heart of the performer.

Ms. Aguilera, love her or hate her, is an incredible woman.

Superwoman

Alicia Keys

1 comment

Superwoman is a relatively new track from Ms. Keys' latest album, and I actually identify with it because it's exactly what I most often believe I'm not.

That song tells me that as much as I struggle as a woman, and as a mother, there are so many out there who feel/work/live/love/hurt the same way I do, and that even when I feel weak, I can find that strength inside to keep moving and keep going, and that the fact that I've continually done that all these years, even when I really felt I couldn't take another breath, shows just how strong I've always been.

I wish I could meet her, just so I could thank her for reminding me of my own self-worth just when I needed to remember it most.

Ciara

Her. Well, I wanted to be Janet Jackson as a kid, and I never really lost my love for performing, even though I don't do it any more. But, after 5 years of jazz, tap and voice lessons, I'm rusty, but I'm still ready. :)

Did I dance as well? Hell yeah! Did I sing as well? Well, Janet is no Jennifer Hudson, let's face it, so that part was never hard. I had a bit of a Stacy Lattisaw thing going on.

So why'd I stop? 3 words: married with children.

Not that I don't love my kids, I love them like crazy - they are the best people I know, besides my mother.

Janet

But I have to confess, given the opportunity to go back - to not listen to my unsupportive ex-husband and just go for it, I'd go for it. I might not have been the next Janet Jackson, but at least I could say I didn't give up.

Meanwhile, I have a lot of local shows under my belt that I am still proud of.

Music is a mean but lovable mistress, I tell you, but I love her, even when she kicks me in the ass.

I'm so sad and scared right now. I don't know how to get out from under this.

I mean, I think I'll be fine, I usually am - it's only my anxiety getting to me, though it's not nearly as minor as that probably sounds. In the meantime, I'm struggling against crippling fear and panic. I have a class tomorrow, and I'm terrified. I push myself to go because I know I should, but I'm horrified at the thought of having another panic attack in front of everyone, and the thought that they'll all crowd around and ask what's wrong, and not leave me a way out is ... scary. Unnerving at best. Largely horrifying.

I hate this feeling. I hate being so lost all the time. I hate knowing that this sort of thing doesn't go away, and that I have to learn to live with it.

It's not fair that there isn't anything I can do about it. It sucks that no matter how I try to explain it, people who don't live with it never quite understand. It's scary to feel angry enough to smash a window out for no reason. It's humiliating to be so afraid that I can't get out of my house without being escorted by a family member. It's freaky to be so agitated that I feel like I'm going to slide out of my own skin. And it is so lonely to feel so lost and confused that every night when I go to sleep, I hope I don't wake up.

My hopes and dreams aren't to be skinny or beautiful or rich, or popular - nothing like that.

I want to be well again. I want to be able to just shake it off, and not feel like such a freak anymore. I want to wake up in the morning and get ready for school, and be happy about it instead of dismayed and apprehensive. I want to be able to answer a simple question from one of my kids without getting a tension headache (and we're talking about things like "what's for dinner" or "can I walk to the store"). I want to be able to deal with the everyday shit that everyone else goes through - like walking out the front door - the way everyone else does. I just want to feel like there's an end to this.

I just want to feel normal.

I wasn't going to post today, but I changed my mind for two reasons:

Reason 1) Sisqo is on a new show called Gone Country, in which he, Diana DeGarmo, Bobby Brown, and some other artists I can't think of try... country music.

T_T

Reason 2) These videos

This one just made me laugh, because although there aren't words to follow along with, the pictures are just plain hilarious when coupled with the lyrics.

But that's enough for today. That and this image of Pete Burns, of You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) fame.

PeteBurns

Sexy, kinda...

Yeah, I'm bored.

... but in my defense, you can't really steal a meme, can you...? Aren't they meant for everyone? So. This is all Budd's fault for having interesting things to say, and posting from a fabulous book. Hi Budd! xD

*ahem* ~ now for the meme:

1. Grab your nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 different people.

I wanted to do something fabulous, after reading Budd's post from Memoirs of a Geisha (the movie didn't do it justice), but the nearest book to me was The Joy of Work, by Scott Adams.

Plus he will be saying completely nonsensical things like, "TWO PEOPLE WITH SMALL HEADS ARE NOT THE SAME AS ONE HEADCOUNT!!"
This will make your victim insanely angry, but not at you. You'll be safe and snug in your cubicle yards away.

Okay, Ebony Doll, Ivysgrandkid, GottaGetGoing, DRB, and karen... your turn!

(i'd be interested to see who actually posts...)

Video: Show us a video that makes you want to shake that thang...

Something about this beat just makes you want to jump up and move somethin'.
The video concept is really silly and cute, but the song is so energetic, you don't really have your head into watching it the video, you kinda have to dance along!

Unfortunately, someone's gone a bit far with the copyright thing, and I can't post it here (though I'll try), so you may just have to go over to YouTube to watch it. xP

• Man, I hate when artists forget that it's the viewers and listeners who buy the albums and concert tickets, and that blocking us is just plain.. well, stupid.

...the Macarena.

I mean, I don't play it every day, or even once a month. But sometimes I do get the urge to play it (i dance too, but not that dance...), but the mood only strikes me at random, so I have to keep it on my iPod.

>.>

Hush up, you.

Yes. 345,000. According to a friend of mine, that's the exact number - the total number! - of people currently living in this country.

This post isn't about him, or his fallacious reasoning (which isn't fallacious so much as it is wrong), though I will talk more about the relation to the rest of this later. My post is about personal limitations - the ones we place on ourselves. The limitations that whisper to us the things we don't even realize we hear.

We hear, "not good enough", or "this is who you are", and even "this is what you can have", and we believe it. We absorb these messages, subconsciously, because we don't realize we're hearing them. Some part of ourselves, especially those in certain communities, believes that what we have is all we'll ever have. Some part of ourselves believes that our efforts, no matter how well-meaning, will not bring anything to fruition. This, of course, doesn't apply to everyone, and it certainly doesn't apply to every situation, but it may speak to you. It may pertain to someone's love life, someone's home situation, someone's employment (or lack thereof). It may only apply to someone's hobbies or general outlook.

But the fact is that these silent whispers are dangerous, not only because they are, at their core, inwardly destructive, but also because they are self-propagating. We pass these things on in our daily lives; to our friends, lovers, co-workers, children, and they in turn carry them home to their friends, family, and so on, and so on, until there is a negative energy hovering unnoticed all around us.

I don't know how else to explain it. I'm not trying to come off with any kind of psychobabble or new-age stuff, I just feel these things around me, and I have to vent them. But I do have an idea...

The next time something inside you tells you that you've done enough, tell yourself to do a little more. If you feel that you've gone as far as you can, go a little farther. Just try a little harder, and surprise yourself.

You never know.

Oh, back to my friend. He suffered a severe head injury a year or so ago, and hasn't quite remembered everything. He can say things and seem so sure, but then remember the truth - for a while - a week later, and forget that he said anything so silly before. The thing about it is, he won't stop. He wants to work, even though doctors say he shouldn't, and he started walking long before he was purported to be able to. He has limitations that should have held him down, and frankly, should have put him down permanently, and yet he goes on.

He doesn't know it, but he's kind of my motivation to, well, to feel normal.

How do you feel about your birthday?  Do you look forward to it and remind all your friends, or do you dread it and try to keep it a secret?

...but don't tell anybody. >.>;;

I admit, I play down my birthday every year. I love it when people make a huge deal out of it, and it's lots of fun when people are saying "Happy Birthday" left and right. But I don't remind anyone of it; I guess I don't want to seem like I'm looking for attention, even though I secretly want all the attention I can get for my birthday.

Attention and presents.

Come on, everyone loves presents! :D